We don't normally do reviews at this magazine. In fact, it's our policy not to review music. But this time I relent. We will review an album in order to save a hippie's ear. We recently received the hostage letter you see above. And while we're not a magazine staff that is easity intimidated, we don't want anything bad to happen to an innocent hippie. So Counter Cosby, here is your precious review, just put down the meat cleaver. Counter Cosby's album, Don't! Don;t! Don!t! is flat out incendiary. It's also completely fucked up. In a good way. The disc's first tune is a song about getting pulled over by the cops while having Schedule I narcotics in the car. It starts off all heavy metal and then slows to lilting lounging melody while the band unharmoniously croons, "I'm gonna shove all this cocaine up my butt...." It's hilarious. The band doesn't really have a singer. The vocals pretty much consist of either crazy screaming and howling or the three guys all singing together completely out of tune. But what these guys lack in vocal harmony they more than make up for in the musical capabilities and raw emotion. They're all excellent musicians and they make a tight band. Drummer O'Neill's foot is speedy as a jackrabbit as he kicks out quick double hits on the bass drum and plays short, speedy fills. Meanwhile, guitarist Arotothen plays intricate, note-picking solos and bassist Langel switches between heavy melodic bass lines one minute and airy, jumping riffs the next. These guys all have a broad range of styles they can play in, and they make it all sound effortless. These guys are a little bit punk, a little bit metal, a little bit prog rock, and very, very goofy. Counter Cosby have that rare quality of being both extremely talented and extremely funny. Much like Frank Zappa and Primus, these guys are excellent musicians who also have a great sense of humor. (Though I doubt the hippie would agree.) The disc is filled with extended and complex instrumentals. There are odd time signatures, and even when the band does play in standard 4/4 time it is rarely obvious. What else can we tell you: track 12 is a song about having an erection. Beyond the complex heavy metal song structures, the band also play some catchy as hell funk and some kick you in the nuts thrash. Beyond Primus and Zappa, you'll probably like this album if you also enjoy Ren and Stimpy cartoons, the movie Raising Arizona, and people falling down stairs. Track 5 is basically a death threat to some poor bastard of a cash register jockey whom the band for some reason believes short-changed them 75 cents on purchase of a magazine. "You say I didn't give you enough cash to rectify my change!!!! But I know in the back of my head that you are all wrong, so I will kill you! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!! You fruckin' jerkweed! You are a cheese wrinkle! And for that you must die! "Give me my change before I go insane!!!!" It's a short two and a half minute crescendo into mayhem. Utter mayhem I tell you. Good God, do you realize these guys are playing a show with Downtown Brown on June 9 at TCs Speakeasy? Lord help whoever is behind the bar that night. Whoever booked that show has some balls. Oh, I can just imagine what that poor hippie is going through. So please Counter Cosby, you've got your precious review. LEt the hippie go. But first, give him a bath.

The day Counter Cosby saved my life.

By Chuck Nannini | Contributing Writer

Wednesday nights are not always known for rock `n' roll. However, last Wednesday the Magic Stick held a show featuring the country rock outfit Honky and the metal rebellion of Moistboyz.

When I heard the news that I was going to be in charge of covering this event I had mixed emotions. See, I had heard through the grapevine that the band Moistboyz featured Dean Ween from the band Ween.

Hearing this, I was guessing that the evening's sounds would be interesting. However, as I arrived at the Magic Stick, the crowd and the atmosphere was telling me something different. At first glance, after making my way up the steps I have climbed so many times in my youth, I noticed the merch-table.

The band Honky, who was the opener of the night, had overweight nudie magazines all over their side of the table with their name spread on them. This was the first sign that this wasn't going to be some fun happy Ween show. I sat down and dove into my first beverage of the night knowing it was going to be a long one. When I was finished I got up to talk to some of the Moistboyz.

First, I met the rhythm guitar player. He was a big fellow who was really friendly. He told me that all the Moistboyz really wanted to do was rock and roll to which I thought to myself, "Which rock band doesn't?"

The guy didn't have much to say, as is the case with most rhythm guitar players. So he sent me to the group's lead singer "Dickie." Let's just say that this isn't just a clever name. I asked the guy the same question I asked the guitar player. It wasn't about their style or their record deal because I didn't care. I asked if he had one message to the people and you know what? He didn't have one! The lead singer, the so-called star, the mouth of the band and not one message. I gave up, these guys had nothing to say and I didn't even care to hear it.

My last thought was onto the music. I went back to the table I claimed as my post and dove into my other beverage. Then the first band took to the stage and greeted us with a "Hello, losers!" That's when I said to myself, "This band is going to suck," and boy did they!

They were Motley Crue dressed as Ted Nugent, without the overplayed Motley Crue songs. The shrieking voice of the singer was deafening to my already picky ears. Back in the '70s when punk first broke, bands prided themselves on sucking, but this band was just bored. The crowd stood there and the band did the same as they cut through their hollow set like a jagged knife through a T-bone. After countless rants on the level of their intoxication, they finished, and I was relieved.

I made my way to the front of the stage as Moistboyz made their way out. I really wanted to get a feel of the group live and I felt the front was the best place. I was right, as the band came out the place exploded and the band ripped into their first song.

But, after five songs I hadn't yet realized that the first song was over because they all sounded the same. However, to the band's credit, the vocals at the Magic Stick are always awful. The band was definitely tight, as it is obvious the 13 years they have been playing together have been wisely spent.

However, the singer was the center of attention. He obviously has paid a lot of attention to Iggy Pop's antics over the years. He copied all of Iggy's antics except for the cool ones. He rolled on the floor and fell in the crowd, he spilled beer, he did all the clich‚d rock front man tricks. But he left out the cool ones like smearing himself with peanut butter and rolling in glass. I was not sold on the antics at all.

I felt like I rocked that stage harder when I was 20 years old dancing on it. I didn't get it how was this band big? Was it the Ween following? Or did people really see something in this band? Disheveled and depressed at the state of the music, I left the Magic Stick down and out.

I received a phone call from my friend offering to bring me to see his friends band, Counter Cosby, in Redford. I happily obliged knowing that nothing could be worse than what I just endured. However when the band came onstage my disappointment turned to glee as Counter Cosby was excellent. From the tommy gun drumming and precision bass and guitar, these guys were the answer for my woes. You could say it as a mix between Frank Zappa and System of a Down. Thanks to that group my night ended on a high note and I drove home jamming to some D.J. P as the sun rose.